Where I Landed on "Gender Roles"

So anticlimactic of me to say it like this

Back in an October post, I told a bit of my story of how I started a deep dive in the “roles” of men and women, and that I had a big project in the works on the topic. It was a collaborative project, but sadly, the collaboration didn’t work out. However, that means that I’ll just start writing and podcasting here and there about it.

Without further ado, I will now reveal where I landed in the end of all the spiraling, healing, and studying for years:

I still affirm qualified male ordination. I believe that marriage is not egalitarian in the sense that there are no “roles” or that there are no differences between a husband and a wife, and what Scripture says to each, but that the husband does have a role as “head” and that does not mean tyrannical ruler or king of his home. There is a lot more mutuality and interdependence in marriage than what I was taught to believe originally, and the main focus should not be on authority or who is in charge, but on outdoing the other in love, and deferring to one another, also known as mutual submission. I have found that there is much more variation and creativity to be found in the way God has made us, in His image, male and female, and that the complementarity of the sexes, not just in marriage, but in the way men and women generally interact and work together in all ways, is beautifully mysterious and profound, and many of the formulas, rules, and boxes (from both sides of the conversation) tend to squash that.

I realize that this sounds like a typical complementarian-lite outcome, which might be disappointing for some of you. But, I’ve got some real problems with some of the theology and use of Scripture in the complementarian and egalitarian camps and that is what I’d like to address gradually here with a careful unpacking of Scripture and historic reformed theology to try to point out where I think some things have gone off the rails on both “sides.” The modern patriarchal movement, as seen in particular right now with Doug Wilson and his cronies, is wildly unbiblical, of course, so I’ll address that as well. I’m also aware of the tension in the abuse advocacy world and the idea going around that affirming any kind of restriction based on gender is some kind of abuse or misogyny. I would also like to unpack that moving forward. Please give me time and patience to do all of this as I am able.

Am I old? Does this meme ring a bell with anyone? Airing of the grievances?

To untangle the complicated mess of the problems we see today will take time to address. In particular, if you’re a woman struggling with deconstructing or leaving the church and all this in general, I hope you will stick around for the conversation. This is for you.